i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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