I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
