told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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