He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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