After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
