Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
