I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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