Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
