he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My ass is underappreciated
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize