In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How's work?
Spinning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
