So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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