can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
