She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize