he shaved USA in his pubs
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
