the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
