Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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