It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
