i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
