Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
