this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
