How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
