I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
