You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
