I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fuck appropriateness.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm like, not good at living.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
