THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
