home. puking in laundry basket.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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