careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
