im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize