She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
