Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
