sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
