if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just pynch a tree in the face
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
