drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
