O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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