I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
