I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
