I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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