dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
