Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize