Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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