Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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