So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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