I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
even my farts smell like vagina
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
