What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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