Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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