The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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