Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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