Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
