he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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