i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
