He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize