he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
