SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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