im about as happy as oj after his trial
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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