The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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