So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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