im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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