I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
