Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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