I think I won the penis lottery.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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