I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
