I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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