It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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