But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize