He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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