...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
