I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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