sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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