Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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