she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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