now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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