More tranny stories later!
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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