We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
