apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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