your parents love me but you hate me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
only if we run a train.
done.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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