I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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