I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
