after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize