I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
