Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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