Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
