Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
