he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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