He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
