youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
