My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
