ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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