Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
