I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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