I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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